Sur la manipulation, un "nouveau" concept, mais unijambiste
On en parle comme d'une découverte psy, sonnez trompettes. On emploie aussi "pervers narcissique". Mais ce n'est pas nouveau et la manipulation fait partie de l'existence.
Dans certains groupes (bourgeoisie d'affaires, politique, -souvent-) elle s'apprend dès le plus jeune âge, ouvertement. On enseigne aux enfants comment se comporter pour "gagner" et éviter de se faire "avoir". Il arrive que ce soit relié au propre passé d'un parent, à ses frustrations, mettons que par ambition familiale on l'ait obligé/e -ou qu'il/elle se soit senti/e contraint/e- d'épouser qui il/elle ne voulait pas, ou autre.
Le principe : s'élever socialement ou au minimum se maintenir au rang où la chance vous a placé et surtout se méfier -et, paradoxe, se servir!- de tout et de tous. Les moyens : savoir jouer des autres, utiliser l'image, le rang, le bluff, l'estime, l'amitié, l'amour, les services rendus, le charme, la flatterie (voire le chantage et les promesses implicites -envers les "inférieurs"-).
Les termes, les voici, parfaitement clairs.. (ici volontairement ambigènes car filles et garçons sont sur ce plan à peu près traités de la même manière.) "Méfie-toi de X., Y., Z... ils/elles ne cherchent que ta position, ton argent et ne t'apporteront rien. Pense plutôt à A. ou mieux, B. mais pour cela il te faudra aller contre les G.. C'est jouable, tu es "le/la fil/le M." et les G. ont de belles casseroles*... Dis-lui ceci [..] et il/elle fera cela, sinon, ceci [...], montre toi amical/e mais en même temps distant/e et mystérieux/se, pas trop chaleureux/se, tu lui fais honneur, n'oublie pas.. Puis si ça mord, arrive un peu en retard.. ou reçois le/la en même temps que C. pour lui faire voir que tu en as sous la main (afin de ne pas le/a blesser, prétend qu'il/elle est venu/e à l'improviste et que tu es ennuyé/e).. ou montre toi avec D. juste après au H (café à la mode).. Attention à G., sa famille est bien avec les K., ça les renforce.." etc...
Ceci est l'éducation que reçoivent certains jeunes dès le biberon. On n'en parle jamais : ceux qui l'ont reçue ne s'en vantent pas, les autres tout simplement l'ignorent.. ou croient que cela ne se passe que dans les romans du 19ième. Faux, cela se passe ici et maintenant.
Toutes les éducations ne sont pas celles des livres scolaires. La suite se devine : les enfants, même bons en soi, calqueront le modèle inculqué.. ou, s'ils tentent de lui échapper, il resurgira à des moments de détresse.
Il arrive qu'un enfant particulier, par révolte, s'associe [amour, amitié] à un opposé, mettons issu d'un milieu de gauche radical. Catharsis... mais lorsque cela ira mal, les réflexes resurgiront. Quant à la victime, elle ne comprendra pas ou très tard qu'à un moment elle est devenue une sorte de jouet sacrifié : formatée par des principes opposés, elle est incapable d'en imaginer d'autres.. [alors que le manipulateur, lui, sait tout à fait que d'autres principes, "officiels", existent -on lui a même appris à en jouer!- la partie n'est pas égale]... une cécité qui résiste à l'évidence, à la vision notamment des jeunes enfants du groupe qui spontanément, par leurs attitudes révèlent clairement leur formatage.. une cécité reliée aussi à la manipulation ("tous sont comme ça sauf moi" lui dit son compagnon/gne). Idem pour la clairvoyance : les gens ainsi formés, même d'une intelligence moyenne, sont mieux armés dans l'existence.
Il arrive qu'un enfant particulier, par révolte, s'associe [amour, amitié] à un opposé, mettons issu d'un milieu de gauche radical. Catharsis... mais lorsque cela ira mal, les réflexes resurgiront. Quant à la victime, elle ne comprendra pas ou très tard qu'à un moment elle est devenue une sorte de jouet sacrifié : formatée par des principes opposés, elle est incapable d'en imaginer d'autres.. [alors que le manipulateur, lui, sait tout à fait que d'autres principes, "officiels", existent -on lui a même appris à en jouer!- la partie n'est pas égale]... une cécité qui résiste à l'évidence, à la vision notamment des jeunes enfants du groupe qui spontanément, par leurs attitudes révèlent clairement leur formatage.. une cécité reliée aussi à la manipulation ("tous sont comme ça sauf moi" lui dit son compagnon/gne). Idem pour la clairvoyance : les gens ainsi formés, même d'une intelligence moyenne, sont mieux armés dans l'existence.
Un détail sur ces groupes que l'on pourrait dire a-moraux : cela n'exclut pourtant pas en leur sein (parfois) l'amour, la générosité (certes souvent un peu calculée).. et même une certaine "moralité". Parfois, pas toujours : il y a en somme, pour certains, des limites à ne pas dépasser*. Une vie quasi normale, indétectable de l'extérieur, respectable. Étrange ? Oui. Autre détail : ils ne sont pas toujours issus de milieux dirigeants même si ceux-ci y semblent sur-représentés; il arrive que l'on trouve un formatage idoine dans des classes sociales défavorisées, immigrées par exemple. Mais l'instruction rend les premiers beaucoup plus performants.
Conclusion : la manipulation n'est pas le fait d'un individu mais du système éidétique dans lequel il s'inscrit ; vouloir l'éradiquer chez un seul est partie perdue. Il faut apprendre aux enfants (à tous) que ce système existe, fonctionne, qu'il est même à la base de la société.. ceci dès l'école, pour les en prémunir. Problème : cela ne se fait jamais sauf -et trop tard- parfois en cours de philo.. et certains établissements (notamment ceux que fréquentent les enfants de ces milieux évidemment) le pratiquent, et à grande échelle ! juste un peu en- dessous s'ils sont religieux.
* Un fait surprenant : ces groupes parfois mettent radicalement à l'index ceux parmi eux ayant "passé les limites", rejetés parce qu'immoraux. Paradoxe ! Il peut alors y avoir vis à vis des vertueux des vengeances au couteau si les exclus ont réussi à s'élever plus haut qu'eux : une certaine moralité en somme. (Les requins se déchirant entre eux, un spectacle délicat.)
Hélène Larrivé, à partir du livre "Secret de famille", Frison-Roche éditeur.
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Manipulation, a "new" concept, one-legged !
It is said a psychological recent discovery, sound trumpets! "Narcissistic pervert" is also used. But it is not new. Not at all !
In some groups of high social status in general (business, political) it is learnt to the children from an early age, openly or not. Mother for example teaches them how to "behave" in society in order to "win" and to avoid being deceived by someone. Sometimes it comes from her own past frustrations (for example if she was forced by her family's ambition to marry one she would not .)
The principle is to increase their social rank or at least to maintain the position that the chance had given to them, and especially to beware -and, paradox, to use !- of everyone and everything ! The means are the same: know how to play the other, use the image, rank, bluffing, esteem, friendship, love, services, flattery (even blackmail and implicit promises -to the "inferior"-).
Terms may be perfectly clear. "Beware of X., he/she only seeks our position, our money and so on... and he/she will "bring" nothing to us. Lets fall. You can have Y. or, better, Z., but for that, you have to go against all the G.. It is playable, you are the "son/daughter M.", it counts, and they have now bad pans*. Tell him/her this [..] and he/she will do that [...] but in the same time, remain mysterious, be a bit remote, not too attached, you make him/her honor don't forget, you are the M's son/daughter.. And if the fish bites, come just a little late.. or receive him/her with C. to make him/her feel you can pretend at better (claim that he/she came by him/herself, suddenly and that he bores you, in order not to hurt her/him).. or show you just after with D. and so on.. Beware to the G., they are now better friends with K., who reinforces their position.."
This is education that some youth receive, from the baby bottle. Nobody never talk about it : those who received this formating does not boast about that and the others have no idea of that.
The principle is to increase their social rank or at least to maintain the position that the chance had given to them, and especially to beware -and, paradox, to use !- of everyone and everything ! The means are the same: know how to play the other, use the image, rank, bluffing, esteem, friendship, love, services, flattery (even blackmail and implicit promises -to the "inferior"-).
Terms may be perfectly clear. "Beware of X., he/she only seeks our position, our money and so on... and he/she will "bring" nothing to us. Lets fall. You can have Y. or, better, Z., but for that, you have to go against all the G.. It is playable, you are the "son/daughter M.", it counts, and they have now bad pans*. Tell him/her this [..] and he/she will do that [...] but in the same time, remain mysterious, be a bit remote, not too attached, you make him/her honor don't forget, you are the M's son/daughter.. And if the fish bites, come just a little late.. or receive him/her with C. to make him/her feel you can pretend at better (claim that he/she came by him/herself, suddenly and that he bores you, in order not to hurt her/him).. or show you just after with D. and so on.. Beware to the G., they are now better friends with K., who reinforces their position.."
This is education that some youth receive, from the baby bottle. Nobody never talk about it : those who received this formating does not boast about that and the others have no idea of that.
All "educations" are not those from moral textbooks. The result is that all the children briefed in this way, even good in themselves, will follow the model .. or if they try to escape, it'll resurfaces in times of emergency, for example distress.
Sometimes, a child, particulary "good", by rebellion, falls in love (or becomes friend) to an opposite one, for example from a left radical family (or communist!) The result is cathartic. But when things are going bad in the couple, reflexes resurface. The victim will not understand (or too late) that at one point (not at first) he/she became a toy sacrificed : formatted by opposite principles, he/she is unable to imagine others. [While his/her husband/wife/friend knows very well that other principles ("official", for everybody but not for him) exist -he/she has learnt to play with!-: so, the game is not equal] ... although if she was later witnessed the education of young children (because children became parents return the ball to their own kids .. who, spontaneous as they still are, will express these clearly.. Blindness related to manipulation (all "mine" are "like that" except me tell her/his husband/wife) and to her/his own formatting. The victim can't believe she is one.
A detail : nevertheless, in these groups, that we could say without-moral, (sometimes) is included.. love, generosity (though often a bit calculated) .. and even a certain "moral" (not always) : in fact, there are limits not to exceed *. An almost normal life, undetectable from the outside. Strange? Yes. Another detail: these groups include not only upper classes (even if they seem over-represented) but also lower ones, immigrant for example, who sometimes walk in the same way. But the education makes the first more skillfull and efficient than the other.
Conclusion: the manipulation is not the fact of an individual but of an eidetic system in which he is included : so, imagine to eradicate it in one person is a lost part. We must teach that this system is up and lead everybody, it is even the basis of society.. to children at school, to warn them against that. Problem: this is never done, or too late, sometimes in philosophy courses .. and some institutions (those attending the children of these groups) practice its themselves and on a large scale, more hypocritically if they are religious.
*Surprisingly, these groups sometimes can reject (violently!) those among them who "pass the limits", paradox! Then, it can happen that they revenge (and cruelly! mostly if they have succeded to reach an highest status !) against those who have stigmatized them. The moral exists after all, even here ! (Unlike the wolfs, the big men, like sharks, eat the little ones.)
Hélène Larrivé, from her book "Family Secret", Frison- Roche editor.
Sometimes, a child, particulary "good", by rebellion, falls in love (or becomes friend) to an opposite one, for example from a left radical family (or communist!) The result is cathartic. But when things are going bad in the couple, reflexes resurface. The victim will not understand (or too late) that at one point (not at first) he/she became a toy sacrificed : formatted by opposite principles, he/she is unable to imagine others. [While his/her husband/wife/friend knows very well that other principles ("official", for everybody but not for him) exist -he/she has learnt to play with!-: so, the game is not equal] ... although if she was later witnessed the education of young children (because children became parents return the ball to their own kids .. who, spontaneous as they still are, will express these clearly.. Blindness related to manipulation (all "mine" are "like that" except me tell her/his husband/wife) and to her/his own formatting. The victim can't believe she is one.
A detail : nevertheless, in these groups, that we could say without-moral, (sometimes) is included.. love, generosity (though often a bit calculated) .. and even a certain "moral" (not always) : in fact, there are limits not to exceed *. An almost normal life, undetectable from the outside. Strange? Yes. Another detail: these groups include not only upper classes (even if they seem over-represented) but also lower ones, immigrant for example, who sometimes walk in the same way. But the education makes the first more skillfull and efficient than the other.
Conclusion: the manipulation is not the fact of an individual but of an eidetic system in which he is included : so, imagine to eradicate it in one person is a lost part. We must teach that this system is up and lead everybody, it is even the basis of society.. to children at school, to warn them against that. Problem: this is never done, or too late, sometimes in philosophy courses .. and some institutions (those attending the children of these groups) practice its themselves and on a large scale, more hypocritically if they are religious.
*Surprisingly, these groups sometimes can reject (violently!) those among them who "pass the limits", paradox! Then, it can happen that they revenge (and cruelly! mostly if they have succeded to reach an highest status !) against those who have stigmatized them. The moral exists after all, even here ! (Unlike the wolfs, the big men, like sharks, eat the little ones.)
Hélène Larrivé, from her book "Family Secret", Frison- Roche editor.
